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A Happy Valentine's Day for Every Postpartum Mom and Their Love Language

October 9, 2023
Image Credit: Jonathan Borba

Valentine’s Day can always be a daunting task, when you’re trying to figure out what gift to get, where to go, and how to make the day feel special, all without being cheesy. After having a baby, this holiday may seem nearly impossible to celebrate in the ways you used to. Sleep, romance, and sex are hard enough to come by now that your little one has arrived--however, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a day for lovemaking. Use this day to celebrate your relationship and your love as a whole, how far it has come, and where it is headed in this new stage in your life. This being said, everyone appreciates love in different ways. Below, you will see Valentine’s Day ideas for you and your postpartum partner based on the five love languages.

A quick note: if you’re hearing about love languages for the first time, love languages are five ways in which we express and receive love. They are unique but broad, and everyone has one or two that they prefer. If you’re curious to find out what your (and your partner’s) love languages are, you can take the official quiz here.

Words of Affirmation

Spoken sentiments, acclamations, and compliments may seem like the “get out of jail card” for Valentine’s Day. Instead of eulogizing your partner all day in an obvious, overdone way, get creative!

  • Before your partner wakes up in the morning, create a scavenger hunt for them. Each clue they find can include a compliment, words of affirmation, or a sign of your love and care for them. Not only will this be a fun activity, but it can be a meaningful exercise that reminds your partner of your relationship through unique hints leading to each clue.
  • Find an old mason jar (or a simple vase will do) and write 365 sentiments on pieces of paper, crumple them up and throw them in. Feel free to use your imagination and decorate the container, draw cute cartoons on the pieces of paper, etc. Your partner will now have some encouragement from you for every day of the year; love will be shown through the words you wrote and the time you took to write them out, and what better than to start this tradition on Valentine’s Day and carry on?
  • When you have more than just short sentences you wish to say to your partner, take the idea above, but make them letters instead. Date each envelope as the first of each month, or dates that are special to you both. Fill the envelopes with your letter and anything else you wish them to open. Gift these letters in a decorated box–and don’t forget to write one for them to open on Valentine’s Day!

Acts of Service

Post-birth, getting back into the swing of daily tasks will be difficult as you and your partner also have a baby to take care of. This Valentine’s Day, prioritize those things so they don’t have to!

  • To ensure your partner gets the rest they need, wake up early, take care of any baby needs and start some chores around the house so they wake up to a clean and tidy space to relax in. Have breakfast prepared and even consider bringing it to them in bed!
  • Though the workload around the house should be equal (maybe even a bit heavier on your side as they recover from birth), there are some things that a person may have to do themselves, even if they don’t want to. This Valentine’s Day, gift your partner with coupons such as: good for one trip to the DMV that they don’t want to do, something related to the work they do, a car wash and vacuum, taking up a chore that they tend to do, or an immediate delivery of their favorite dessert, no questions asked. Be creative and try to choose tasks out of the ordinary so that your partner can feel relieved and be able to rest as they recover from birth --it might even give them a laugh if you do a good job!
  • This year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday. Your partner may have already gone back to work after giving birth, so this year, make an evening just for them. Welcome them home from work with their homemade “soul food” or their favorite takeout, flowers and their go-to movie ready to play. Make sure they don’t lift a finger and they can have a splendid Monday night with you.  

Receiving Gifts

Finding a gift suitable for someone in their fourth trimester may be tough. Fret not, we’ve done the research on your behalf!

  • Subscriptions are so fun to receive, but oftentimes it can be difficult to find the best one for the best price for yourself. This year, surprise and delight your partner by gifting a subscription box of their own! FabFitFun comes four times a year and can include beauty, home, and wellness products all in one, and they can even choose some of the products they receive in each box --key to help avoid accumulating awkward items that they’ll never use. Sunflower Motherhood has a plethora of postpartum-specific boxes, from breastfeeding, to c-sections; believe us when we say they’ve got it all! Lastly, for the sweet tooth, try Bean Bar You, an online store where you can purchase boxes of assorted chocolates catered to your partner’s tastes.
  • If you want to make your own box, try putting together a package of essential items for new moms: heating pads, nipple creams, epsom salts, bath bombs, and comfy socks are all things that can help moms with any pains they have postpartum. We’ve asked some moms ourselves, and we have their signoff that they will be a hit!
  • The last thing a new mom likely wants to do is cook meals from scratch. With the baby, they may not have all the time in the world, but also not feel fully comfortable with ordering in all the time. In that case, consider gifting them (and yourself) a meal delivery service. Green Chef,  Sun Basket and Purple Carrot are some examples of meal kits that are healthy, sustainable, and can be tailored to any diet or lifestyle. For an even simpler option, resort to prepared meal delivery services such as Veestro, Freshly, and Trifecta.

Quality Time

New parents often find that with a child to take care of, their quality time is the first to go out the window--but it is super important to be able to connect just the two of you, even for a short while. (Just be sure to find a babysitter that you trust!)

  • Sometimes all you need is one night to be alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure to attend to a newborn. Booking a cute bed and breakfast, AirBnB or hotel will be the perfect getaway to just be with one another. Bonus points if it’s near a winery or brewery, and you can relive your glory days as a couple, out on the town enjoying a glass of wine (or two).
  • Plan a night at home that involves a home-cooked meal or take out, and play all of your favorite board games together. Better yet, surprise them with blankets hanging, pillows thrown, fairy lights strung everywhere, and play cards and Scrabble in your make-shift fort. From what we’ve heard from the parents, it helps relieve stress to pause on taking care of the kid, and instead feel like one, if just for a night.
  • Plan a fun outing, just for the two of you! Whether it be an Escape Room, axe throwing, a cooking class, or an intimate concert, you will be spending time together, adding another memorable experience to your relationship.

Physical Touch

Valentine’s Day is advertised as being all about the touch. While it definitely can be, having a partner in postpartum may create some limitations as they are recovering. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t cater to their love language of physical touch!

  • Grab your candles, face masks, lotions, and bath bombs--it’s spa night! Give your partner an all-inclusive spa day right in your own home. Lay down some blankets and start with a full body massage, surrounded by candles and relaxing music. If they’ve been cleared by the doctor, you can also feel free to draw yourselves a bath with a bomb or their favorite scented bath oil. Finish off with a face mask, and your partner will feel so relaxed and love the intimate physical touch they are receiving.
  • Though they should proceed with caution, exercising can often assist with postpartum recovery by boosting mood, strengthening cores and giving them time to step away from motherhood to focus on themselves. Luckily, yoga is not only a way to get moving, but it can also be done with a partner. In some places, there are partner classes at yoga studios. If not available in your area, there are many classes you can view online. This can be a way to get intimate and break a sweat with your love!
  • If you want to get even more romantic, book a dance class or head to a nearby jazz bistro where you can dance --it’s a great way to step outside of the house to celebrate, easing back into physical touch and intimacy. Planning on staying in? No problem! Play your favorite songs and get to spinning and swaying the night away.

Whether your partner’s love language is highly concentrated or evenly distributed among all of the above, you should feel empowered to curate a customized Valentine’s Day date for your partner. Feel free to lean on one or a few of these ideas for a celebration they will never forget!

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